When Grief and Death Touches Us ~ My Own Journey to Wholeness and Healing

Part 1: “Death – Forever a Part of Life”

By Kim M. Watson, RN, MScN

If a death has not yet touched you on your journey, inevitably it will. I can recall the first funeral I attended of a little girl named Peggy; I was only four years old. I recall her lying there in her white dress, and asking my parents when she would be able to come and play with us. The true reality of what death was had not yet touched me as a young child. However, the first significant death I recall was of my beloved ‘Baba,’ my grandmother, when I was ten. By then I did understand she was not sleeping and she would not be able to hug me again in one of her all enveloping, blessed hugs. I always felt her close to me and felt she was one of my guardian angels watching over me. Death was not to be a stranger though, and at the tender age of 46, my mother Mary took her own life. Her story is one of a journey full of love, happiness, hospitals, darkness, sadness, healing and pain. Though her story is worth sharing, it is for another time. My mother was a major loss in my life as she was someone I did love dearly, and as most people think, we should not lose our parents when we are so young, I just turned 24.

As a nurse in an acute care role, I have had many experiences of both life and death stories to share, especially since the ER is where most of my career has been spent. Most people imagine dealing with those who were dying must have been some of my more difficult days, though sometimes it has been my most rewarding stories. Early in my career, I worked in Pediatrics, and though there is something that seems wrong that someone should die so young, as a Pediatric nurse I felt it was part of my job to assist him or her in their transformation, and try to make it as fearless as possible. I felt comfortable speaking with my young patients about what they were going through. In addition, many times I helped the parents and siblings to feel ‘okay’ about talking about death.

It was around this past Christmas that Dad had a fall and for the first time he needed help to get up. It was then I asked him to consider linking up with our local hospice to see what services they had in the event we needed them down the road. Since my Dad was a fairly private man, and not one to reach out for help, I had concerns he may need to speak to someone else about the journey he was presently on. He agreed on a meeting. I linked him to a wonderful Hospice Social Worker, Mike Bennett, as I recognized this could help him spiritually, emotionally and mentally! I was present for the first meeting to help ease things with Dad. Dad knew I was a supporter of counselling as I frequently said “I feel counselling is one of the best gifts you can ever give yourself.”

On May 31^st Dad, Allan Dynes Watson, age 86, passed on to another existence, that I do not yet have all the details on, though I know he is still with me energetically. It was with his passing that I seriously looked at where I was at and where I needed and wanted to go. Though I do miss my dad, I know he is in a place of peace, all knowing, and wonder. When someone dies the loss is on this side of the veil, not the other.

I can tell you I was in dis-stress spiritually and emotionally, and it was starting to have a physical toll on me as well, though the cause was more than my Dad’s passing. As a student of a spiritual path for over 25 years, I knew I was in a place where I only wanted to visit shortly, feel the feelings, learn from, and move on. However, I was not exactly sure how to do it best as I realized I had compassion fatigue. Dad’s death was just the right invite for me to pay attention to me now.

In my next few blogs I intend to share with you my very personal and transformative experience steeped in a mind, body, spirit approach. Though it looks somewhat different from the path I took when I suffered a debilitating injury with a MVC (motor-vehicle collision) in 1989, the principles are the same. In 1989 when I was told I would never work hospital again as I would be lucky if I could regain 60-80% function, I said to them “You want to bet!” It was then that one fine and insightful Rehabilitation Physician at a major medical centre recognized I was serious, prepared and ready to heal. He worked with me over the course of four plus years, gave me options and resources, and ultimately I regained my full health (physically, mentally and emotionally) and started a renewed spiritual path. I knew I would heal using a holistic, integrative approach, and now it is part of who I am as a nurse, and my vision for Ontario and Canada. It was that experience that integrated my focus to a mind, body and spirit approach for all those I serve and work with. So stay tuned for more on my own recent healing journey in my next upcoming blogs.


Blessings, in love and in light, Namasté, Kim